Monday, March 1, 2010

One little word: Sex

Sex. Does the word make you think "ugh. please not tonight." Does it make you think "alrighty! when? where? lock the door!" Is it more of "I think I remember what that is...?" or "yep, had my fill for the week?"

Sex is apparently a hot topic in marriage. Or maybe it is the lack of hot that makes it a topic? I don't know! I can tell you this, John Gray, the Author of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, knows what he's talking about! We are definately from other planets!!

I was reading some excerpts from one of his books and wondering if my views (which shall remain vague in this blog!) are typical of most women. I polled some of my friends (most somewhere in the 30ish bracket) to dig into their marriage and sex life.

Here are the questions that I asked:
What is one thing you would change about your husband?
What is one thing he would change about you?
What do you fight about the most?
How many times a week do you have sex?
Has your sex drive changed since you got married? Is that a point of contention in your marriage?
What is your ideal date night?

I think I'll save the answers to the first two questions for another post....but what interested me most in this poll was the resounding similarities in the answers I got from the girls on the sex topic. Names will be changed/withheld to protect the innocent, and badgered, women ;)

Most of the responses sounded like this, "UGH. This is a huge issue in our house. I could care less if we have sex, and he wants it all the time. I try to make sure we have it once or twice a week." I kid you not, out of all my responses, they all had something like this ringing through them. Apparently sex is not a top priority for busy moms in their 30s.

Several stated it had nothing to do with lack of love or attraction for their spouse, but rather a preference to do other things, or frankly, nothing at all! One person mentioned that perhaps if the hubby was more helpful with life in general around the house, it would free her up to be ready and willing more often.

One friend, who's response made me laugh right out loud (sorry dear!), said "we have sex twice a week. Wednesdays and Saturdays. Yep. It's scheduled, I have to mentally prepare."

Another friend said that although she is not all that interested, they have sex nearly 5 times a week! I quickly replied to her and said she was a saint. Her response was this: "...most of the time if he gets what he wants I get what I want, so that's how I work it." I understand this philosophy.... but I still think this chick is a saint :)

So girls, don't fret.... if your views on sex mirror the ones stated above.... you're not alone! And if your marriage is sizzling right along even after a long day with the kiddos, tell your husband that you are a saint! :) I'm going to come up with a name for someone who is in between "tolerant" and "sainthood" and start calling myself

If you have not answered the above poll questions via email; please feel free to email me at or if you are comfortable, leave your answers in the comment section!

1 comment:

Marcy said...

Look at you go with your research! It really is amazing the differences between men and women on the subject, isn't it? For one thing, how is it that after a particularly satisfying time together, a man will want more of it and SOON - yet a woman will think "Okay - that was great, it will definitely tide me over for awhile!" I guess it's kind of the opposite of men's and women's views of housework.

And I think that word you're looking for between tolerant and saint is NORMAL. :)